I got trolled on the internet.
(Translation: “This is totally useless”)
It’s not the first time this has happened. I’ve been trolled by strangers and old coworkers alike. And after seeing the way it plays out for both influencers and us normies, I know a few things to be true about receiving hate from strangers:
It’s 100% of the time about them, not you
People have way too much time on their hands
Keyboard warriors are hurt people protected by screens
These truths were reflected in the communal commiseration I received - which, no doubt, I am thankful for:
“Ignore them”
“They can’t stand to see you shine”
“Keep doing you, friend”
And while I love and appreciate the encouragement of giving these folks the proverbial middle finger and moving on with my life - I can’t help but feel curious about why this video?
I have a few other dance videos up on the internet - and they vary in style. They’re all different from each other - but this one marks a distinct departure. In this one, my moves are decidedly male. In the world of body language - they contrast closure with confidence.
(Closure)
(Confidence - feat. lip biting)
When I was promoting this dance class, I shared that my inspiration for the choreography was “brown uncle on the dance floor.” If you’ve seen one before - you know exactly what I’m talking about. And if you haven’t, just imagine the most excited, devil-may-care man who doesn’t necessarily have *great* dance moves, but is exuding joy and having the time of his life, anyway.
I. LOVE. this energy.
And I wanted to play with it. I wanted other folks to play with it. I wanted them to have a taste of the audacity it takes to throw your hands up and out, widely, and take up SPACE - regardless of the body you were born into.
This could be total conjecture (actually - it definitely is) - but my theory is this: this video pissed people off because of how uncomfortable it is to see a brown woman acting like a brown man. To see her jump and flail the way a man would. To trade in the storied demeanor of being shy and coy in favor of something more dangerous - feeling confident.
(Also: not to make assumptions but I’m pretty sure Lord Shiva has bigger fish to fry????)
Is this the part where I say “not all men”? I know this. And you know this, too. But we would be shitting ourselves if we didn’t acknowledge that this is still prevalent - especially in parts of India. It’s encouraged to move my female body in ways that are coy and cute. It’s celebrated for me to continue the legacy of classical dance. Sometimes, it’s even encouraged to move in a way that is suggestive, or sexual.
But it is something else entirely to dare to exude confidence.
To embody an energy that is not designed to disarm, to uphold, or to please.
But to instead choose to embody pure pleasure.
Or - not! This could be totally in my head! This could be my rational mind trying to intellectualize something that hurt!
I don’t know for sure. I don’t know much for sure these days. But I do feel emboldened to keep going.
To continue exuding the thing we’re born with - the thing they want snuffed out.
To show little girls that being bold is not being bad.
To reject that being “good” is to be small and coy.
To pay the price of small hurts for being free.
With love,
-Av
PS - Did you know that I coach people on confidence, self-expression, and self-love? No???
If you want to explore working together on not even letting the trolls get you down - I would love to meet you, no strings attached.
Ok. I love you - bye!
Av! I love everything you write! <3
Avani Uncle ftw!