On Parenthood

...or not

I feel like I’m not allowed to say the thing that I’m about to say, which is that when it comes to parenthood - I am pissed.

I am pissed that the females bear the brunt of this burden

I am pissed that we must carry, and feed 

I am pissed that we are the ones (if we’re lucky) who must decide

I am pissed that we are the ones with the biology, the need

I am pissed that most kids scream endlessly for their mother

I am pissed I can’t be the father instead

I am pissed that here we are, yet again, with the short straw

I am pissed that our body’s “clock” dictates our time

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Somewhere, underneath all of this anger and rage, there is also fear that runs so deep within. 

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I am scared that if I have children, my current life will be upended

I am scared that I will grow to resent them because of it

I am scared that if I don’t have them, my old age will be sad, lonely

I am scared that if I’m childless, I’ll get bored

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